News Roundup

1) Kevin Garnett to the Celtics for Al Jefferson and a host of expiring contract underachievers. God save us from Bill Simmons....just checked ESPN.com....it's....Too.....LATE!!!!

2) Mark Texiera to the Braves. Remember Saltalamacchia. When Tex signs a deal with his hometown Orioles in 2009, the Rangers' new C will be the story of the trade.

3) Vick's traitor alleges he funded the entire operation, including backing the house for dog gambling. Let's be clear about something. Dogfighting brings on PETA and draws the ire of average suburban fans like myself. Gambling, in any form, makes Roger Goodell soil his mismatched blazer-wool pants combo and opens the door to "banned for life" instead of "conduct detrimental to the league".

4) Ravens' LB Dan Cody to miss at least preseason, possibly regular season. Read the comments attached to that article and you can see me compare Cody to Anthony Poindexter (once a UVa God (akin to a minor Boise State deity), then unfortunately injured, then a Raven and currently the Hoos' RB coach) and also rip some mouth breather for speculating that steroids have caused Cody's bad knee.

5) Redskins and Ravens enter camp with first round picks signed. I mean, read that again. No major holdouts? For either team? [Note on the Skins' Landry...how did USA Today and ESPN.com get the Landry signing (at approx. 1:10a Monday) before the Post? Is Snyder really this desperate to make Red Zebra Radio work?]

6) The estate of StL Cards' pitcher Josh Hancock has dropped their dram shop suit against the restaurant that served him before his fatal crash. That was probably the right thing to do considering there was no evidence and the restaurant owner, Mike Shannon (Cards' broadcaster and current player), lost his wife Judy on Saturday to brain cancer.

7) Maryland flunkee and Ravens' supplemental draft steal Jared Gaither was in camp today, though I'm not sure if he has signed a deal or not. I assumed he would hold out given the disparity between his supplemental draft position and his projected 2008 draft position. Reports out of Westminster state that Gaither stifled Terrell Suggs, aka T-Sizzle, in their time against one another.

8) Brady Quinn is still holding out in Cleveland. But really, can he hold out long enough to only eat grass at the hands of the Ravens/Steelers/Bengals one time this season? No. Here's what Phil Savage had to say: "Savage characterized talks with Condon as 'in the same neighborhood, but not on the same street.'" Think back to Draft Day. Brady looked stunned and pained to slide as far down as he did, and then he faked ecstatic to be drafted by his hometown Brownstains (who he only talked up pre-draft assuming they would draft him with their high pick). At some point on that Saturday, Quinn achieved enlightenment. He has Tom Condon. He's still going to get paid like a top-10 pick. Wait and see it. Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson (I still rue the day the Ravens cut him to make room for Clarence fucknuts Moore) are not going to inspire much confidence. At least Jamal Lewis knows someone other than Andra Davis. I'm surprised Jamal didn't show up wearing 295 to mock Andra and now-out-of-the-league Daylon McCutcheon.