Without Tiger, the British Open field will be mostly unfamiliar to casual golf fans. However, everyone is familiar with Caddyshack. For your viewing pleasure, I have related many of the major players at Bushwood to a Royal Birkdale "contender". This should simplify your weekend, and allow you to yell movie quotes at the television.
2) Sergio Garcia as Ty Webb (Chevy Chase)
3) Jean Van de Velde as The Bishop
5) Trevor Immelman as Danny Noonan
The movie centers around Danny Noonan, the just-out-of-high-school caddy with nothing to lose and nothing to gain at Bushwood. He flirts on the edge of adulthood in a pregnancy scare with his Irish girlfriend, and by trying to fit in at one of Judge Smails' uptight parties, but he's really just enjoying the moment. Then, pressed into action following an injury to Wally, Danny helps Ty win the big cash game against the Judge and the Doctor. Trevor Immelman reminds me of Danny. He was just kind of plugging along as a good golfer before he had a little cancer scare in December 2007. Doctors removed a golf-ball sized lesion from his diaphragm. It ended up being benign, and Trevor ended up winning the Masters a few months later.
6) Phil Mickelson as Judge Smails
Stick with me here. Judge Smails is characterized by having a horrible temper and by being a stickler for the blueblood country club rules. That doesn't sound much like Lefty, right? Luckily, I am informed by Seinfeldian lore as well. Phil has been chanting "Serenity Now" for the past decade, as he struggles to cope with his own failures. As we all know from Lloyd Braun, serenity now, insanity later. When Phil Mickelson is paired with 22-year-old Korean-American Anthony Kim on Sunday, he's going to lose it. I just hope he can avoid a Fuzzy Zoeller moment afterwards, telling the press he fears kimchi will be on the menu next year.
Honorable Mention - David Feherty as Groundskeeper Carl Spackler
First of all, I had to find a way to get Bill Murray's classic existential groundskeeper into the post. Second of all, who other than Fairway Feherty could quote the Dalai Lama and say, "Gunga din. Gunga gunga din." with a straight face and actually mean it seriously?
So.... there you have it. Like a Kenny Loggins song, we're all just waiting for Tiger's absence to end. Hopefully we can add some humor to this whole faceless event. Use of this Caddyshack soundboard is strongly recommended.