A Nats Fan Pokes More Fun at the Nationals

Courtesy of Dan Steinberg's alway's wonderful DC Sports Bog, the following nugget came to my attention today:

2009 full season ticket holders received their gift from the Washington Nationals. Each year, the team rewards it's loyal season ticket holders with a gift. For example, last year each season ticket holder was given a replica model of the new Nationals Park in honor of the inaugural season there. This year, season ticket holders who were anxiously awaiting their gift found this:


Nationals season ticket holders, if you guessed that your gift would be a crystal baseball mounted on a slab of oddly-colored marble commemorating your season ticket loyalty, you were correct!!

While over at the Nationals Ballpark Guys message boards there is a discussion over more appropriate engravings for the ball (for example: "Rock Bottom" or "Randy Johnson 300 Wins"), I have a better discussion to start...

MEMORANDUM:

TO: S. KASTEN

FROM: EAST COAST BIAS

SUBJECT: MORE APPROPRIATE GIFTS FOR 2009 WASHINGTON NATIONALS SEASON TICKET HOLDERS

Stan:
It has come to our attention that some season ticket holders are dissatisfied with this year's season ticket holder gifts. Therefore, we propose supplementing their gifts with your choice of the following:

1) A flask so they can drink away the pain.

2) A copy of the Sports Illustrated story on Bryce Harper (Google him, Stan... I'm sure that Mike Rizzo hasn't told you about him yet) which will give some hope that IF Harper goes to JuCo early, the Nationals will draft him too (he's also represented by Scott Boras... sorry).

3) Scott Boras' personal phone number and home address so that they can harass him into getting Strasburg to sign

4) Aaron Crow voodoo dolls

5) A free one-year lease on an empty storefront in the Lerner-owned White Flint Mall (based upon occupancy rates at White Flint and the season ticket holder numbers, this should be possible).

6) Being added alongside Bill Cosby and Barack Obama on the sign at Ben's Chili Bowl reflecting people who eat for free.

7) Their own personal firework remnant.

8) Ten minutes alone with Clint, armed with your choice of nunchucks, a baseball bat, or a dull meat cleaver.

9) Being allowed to pitch the eighth inning in the game of their choice (even Manny Acta thinks this could have the side effect of significantly improving our record).

10) Grief counseling.

(feel free to add your own in comments)

More Proof That God Hates Nats Fans (or why Comcast should carry ESPNNews)

So allow me a quick rant here...

I'm on my way home from a day at work and time at the gym. This being Washington, and the Nats game in a rain delay, there was absolutely no coverage of the major league baseball draft on the radio on my way home (that happened to be about 20 minutes longer than usual because Washingtonians apparently don't know how to drive through the occasional rain despite the fact that we do live in an area that ever-so-often has MASSIVE SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS).

I get home. I run upstairs to the shower to get the gym reek off me. At this point I'm pretty desperate to find out whether the Nats have drafted Strasburg or not. I mean, fellow Nats fans (all eight of you) will understand - we look for any little miniscule sign of hope - with the full knowledge that this kid may end up being Ben McDonald. I hop out of the shower and turn on the TV. No coverage of the MLB draft on ESPN. Our local sports station, Comcast Sportsnet, is replaying the ACC Womens Championship Soccer Game (so you see how highly the Nats rank when they choose to replay this rather than cover one of the most important moments in the franchise's brief history). So finally I flip over to ESPN2.

I look down at the ticker at the bottom of the screen and see that I'm just missing the end of their coverage about the MLB Draft. So we all know what that means. A full cycle before I see what I need. All the American League scores and pitching probables come up. All the National League scores and pitching probables come up. Lots of sentences about Game 3 of the NBA Finals scroll across the ticker. Something about NASCAR. Then, the "MLB" is highlighted meaning that the ticker has finally refreshed. And what do I hear at the same time? The ESPN2 WNBA Theme music informing me that we were going to commercial, meaning that when we came back, we'd be somewhere in neverneverland with the ticker.

And I come back to my greater point. I was so desperate to find out news on the Nats draft that I was subjected to watching the WNBA. Seriously. How in the name of fuck is this league still in operation? It was painful. Truly wretched. Apparently the Seattle Storm were visiting the Indiana Fever. Perfect. Not only does your league SUCK, but both teams playing violate the cardinal rule of sports nicknames - a mascot that is an amorphous concept rather than a thing (see Seattle Mariners versus Seattle Storm). And isn't Indiana supposedly basketball crazy? There were maybe 1000 people in Conseco Fieldhouse. I'd love to know what percentage of those people were related to the players and what percentage had actually paid for their tickets.

So now we have a happy ending. I fired up the old Comcast Internets, got on ESPN.com, and saw that my Nats drafted Strasburg. I won't have to watch the WNBA ever again. And maybe Strasburg will turn out like Nolan Ryan and not like Brien Taylor (if you know who he is, I am impressed by you).