July 12, 2007

Chuck Norris Fact

Chuck Norris once thought he had a zit, but he was just asexually reproducing.

Ravens Get Terps OT Gaither

The Baltimore Sun is reporting that the Ravens selected Terps OT Jared Gaither in the NFL Supplemental Draft today. The Ravens used the 31st selection of the 5th theoretical round, meaning they forfeit that pick in the 2008 NFL Draft. That's right, a fifth rounder for a 6-9, 324 pounds OT. Redskins and Steelers fans begin drooling now. Only one other player, a CB from Georgia Tech, was taken.

For those of you who don't know, the NFL Supplemental Draft uses a bid system. Teams are given theoretical "picks" based on a weighted system based on the results of the prior season. The Ravens had the 31st pick of the theoretical 1st through 7th rounds. That means that any team, other than the Colts, that had bid a 5th round pick would have gotten Gaither. The supplemental draft has always been underutilized, but Bernie Kosar was selected in the 1985 version after he delayed his decision to go pro until after the regular draft so his hometown Cleveland Browns could take him in the supplemental.
Here is what ProFootballTalk had to say about Gaither earlier in the day:
space invader
A league source with knowledge of the evaluation of Maryland tackle Jared Gaither believes that Gaither will be selected in the fifth round.
The source says that, if Gaither were in the April draft pool, he possibly would be a first-day (i.e., round one, two, or three) selection.

The word on Gaither is that he's immature, and that he doesn't fully appreciate his physical gifts. He lost his academic eligibility because he hated school. And given that teams didn't have time to do their due diligence, teams will be less willing to take a chance on him.
Here is another consideration: Gaither is going to want 2008 2nd/3rd round money. The Ravens are going to stick him in the 2007 5th round 31st pick slot. There's a good chance he will hold out. I'm kind of with the Ravens on this one. Who ever said that these kids lose money by staying in school need look only at Gaither.

July 10, 2007

I Forgive Barry Bonds

As Barry Bonds approaches Hank Aaron's career HR record, I am more inclined to forgive him and honor him. I don't think he is any less guilty of steroid abuse or HGH abuse. In fact, I suspect he may have just been the beneficiary of the BEST steroids and HGH.

I've heard all the bullshit excuses before. Yeah, he still has to hit the ball cleanly. Yeah, we all saw Monday night that Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T;/Frank's Telecom Park is not friendly to lefties. Yeah, he is the only guy I've ever seen intentionally walked with the bases loaded out of pure fear (Buck Showalter when skipper of the D-Backs (and yes, it worked)). Those are all valid excuses, and those all mitigate Bonds' obvious steroid/HGH abuse.
Barry Bonds Willie Mays McCovey Terry Steinbach
blahblahblahblahblah I might be forgiving him, or I might be for giving up

But shovel all that shit in the compost pile. We all need to be realistic. If you can name a team without a suspect in the mid-90's (I'm thinking KC), your team wasn't trying. As an Orioles fan, where everyone not named Cal Ripken, Jr., has been implicated, you have to accept that crucifying Barry Bonds implicitly forces you to crucify any players from your home team who are eventually implicated. Other than Cal Ripken, Kirby Puckett, Ozzie Smith, Cecil Fielder, Tony Gwynn and Joe Carter, you had better be prepared for a fecal fountain on any of your childhood heroes. If you are over 35 and able to use the intergoogles, you can adjust the timeframe accordingly.

Frankly, I want to be a steroid holier-than-thou, but I am prepared for the inevitable. The bigger this gorilla gets in baseball, the more likely that a "clinic raid" reveals that some of my favorite NFLers have been relying on something other than nutrition and hard work. Honestly, I'm not prepared for that. As a Ravens fan, I've dealt with plenty enough government involvement. No fan of another NFL team could possibly be of clean conscience. If a punter can cream-juice, so can Derrick Thomas or Junior Seau or John Riggins or Mike Singletary or basically any other beloved player. I'm certainly not saying any of those men cheated, but the odds are that a superlovedlegend cut some corners, and I personally like my NFL lore the way it stands.
Another spacer? Jessica Biel's ass has (slightly) less spacing.
"Live and let live." "Ignorance is bliss." Those idioms make sense to me. The one that does not is "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." Fuck that. I'd rather never get hurt by someone I loved. MLB has already strayed, and I forgive her. Let's leave well enough alone.

Mike Vick = Cure for Cancer

As a one-time scientist, this is the most exciting cancer-fighting news of the past decade. Scientists have modified the herpes simplex virus to attack and kill cancerous cells. If only this had come out in the Ron Mexico trial. Our good buddy, Mike "Ron Mexico" Vick, could have argued that he was only trying to save her from cancer.

In other news, TSA employees at Albany International (???Canada???) Airport were perfect in finding water bottles (which have been determined to be unable to bring a plane down), but 0-for-5 in finding disarmed bombs planted in luggage, (though the AP story says 1-for-5, which is insignificant in baseball but a significant risk if you're "spending" sleeper terrorists in the U.S.) even when the water bottle was intentionally placed directly adjacent to the fake bomb. So our good friend Mike Vick gets stopped and detained for bringing a false compartment water bottle on a plane (where he keeps his jewelry, natch), but he could have snuck some bombs on board.

July 9, 2007

More Dan Patrick Speculation

Dan Patrick's Q-rating must have skyrocketed today after several reputable news sources, not just ESPN.com, CNNSI.com and this blog, reported his departure from ESPN Radio. The speculation that he is actually interested in The Price Is Right seems to have been rekindled. There is an excellent fit between Patrick and TPIR, as Patrick is a good personality for the elderly and housewives (who the show is marketing the Hotpoint and Frigidaire products to), and he has a rapport with college kids. No other candidate can offer that, other than maybe Howie Mandel.

I, however, am reading a little more into Dan's comments last week. He admitted that he had been invited to audition for TPIR, but explained that he did not want to be the man who followed The Man. He referred to David Lee Roth's failed attempt to take Howard Stern's time slot for another CBS division. That brings us to another story.

[Photo(shop) credit: www.rightsided.org]

In an interview with New York magazine, Katie Couric admitted to slapping a news producer for using the word "sputum" in a story about tuberculosis last month. Apparently Katie was unfamiliar with the not-very-technical medical term for phlegmy spit. In addition, Katie talked about occasionally regretting going to the CBS Evening News anchor chair. She said she is looking forward to doing more work for 60 Minutes next year. It sounds like she is paving her way out the door. I think Dan Rather also transitioned to 60 Minutes before finally breaking ties with CBS.

Dan Patrick has experience in a live news-like setting from his days on SportsCenter. He also has experience in a fill-in role on ABC's Good Morning America. Perhaps Dan Patrick does not want to follow The Man, Bob Barker. Perhaps he would be willing to follow the woman who followed The Man, Dan Rather. How jealous would Keith Olbermann be?
I saw a Jessica Biel - Scarlett Johannsen sex tape
[Postscript: Perhaps I am reading too much into his show, but Olbermann started on a tangent this afternoon about the genetic basis for homosexuality. Patrick cut him off abruptly and said he wasn't going to get into the issue.]

Dan Patrick Leaving ESPN After 18 Years

Dan Patrick announced minutes ago that he will be leaving ESPN on August 17th. The final week will be a celebration of his 18 years with ESPN. He said he'll take some time off and then investigate other opportunities.

Dan will be missed. He has great guests and does not pander to athletes.

July 8, 2007

Repping for the Eastern Shore

This is J-Red with the 22 inch and 3 pound rockfish he caught yesterday. It was the biggest fish we caught all day. It's a good thing he didn't get embarrassed by a bunch of seasick suburbanites. You would think that, being from the Eastern Shore, he'd know how to hold a fish right side up. Don't they teach that sort of thing in middle school over there?