November 29, 2009

Tiger Woods Accident - Possible Explanations

Most reasonable people have rejected the official explanation of Tiger Woods' accident at 2:25 a.m. on Friday morning. The idea that he left his home, alone and sober, at that hour and hit a fire hydrant and tree outside his own driveway just doesn't sit with most people. The reported severity of the injuries from an accident that did not even cause the air bags to deploy creates additional suspicion. Throw in that internet gossip sites were reporting an extramarital affair between Tiger and another woman just last Wednesday, and there is enough fuel to start a minor TMZ.com explosion.


So how can Tiger's people spin his way out of this?

EXPLANATION 1: Tiger and wife Elin Nordegren were fighting, and she hit Tiger. Elin attacked Tiger after a fight at home over the affair rumors. He was injured and dazed, and tried to escape in his SUV. She busted out the back window as he attempted to drive off. He was distracted/dazed and struck the hydrant and tree.

Plausibility: This is the most plausible explanation for what actually happened.

Downside: Just read it. To admit to this explanation, Tiger basically has to admit that the affair story has legs. He also has to admit that his wife beat him up pretty badly. Given Tiger's preference for total privacy, this spin would give the story at least a few weeks of play. It's simply not an option.


EXPLANATION 2: Tiger's infant child was sick and he was running to a 24-hour pharmacy. He was worried and drove recklessly, losing control of his SUV.

Plausibility: This version would explain why Tiger and Elin were both awake. It also explains why Tiger would be leaving the home alone at such an early hour, and why he might lose control of the vehicle.

Downside: It's easily disprovable, as someone would have had to call in the prescription. Also, they would have taken this one to the media immediately because it makes Tiger look like a caring father.

EXPLANATION 3: Stick to the official story. Explain that Tiger is an insomniac and works out at all hours of the night. His loving wife gets up with him some times to see him off. Tiger was distracted by something in the car, perhaps playing with the radio.

Plausibility: This is still a real stretch. No one can understand why Elin would hear a car accident and bring a golf club outside. No one can understand why she supposedly busted out the back window when all four doors were undamaged. No one can understand how Tiger suffered significant facial and head injuries from a low-speed collision. This also does not explain the secrecy after the fact.

Downside: Most people will never believe it.

EXPLANATION 4: This is the one I like the most. Tiger is a known insomniac. Ambien is a sleep medication with a known sleepwalking (and sleepeating and sleepsexing and sleepdriving) side effect. Tiger sleepwalked his way to the vehicle and started to drive off without a seat belt on. Elin was not awake, but was awakened by the crash. When Tiger was not in bed with her, she grabbed a weapon and went to investigate. She saw the vehicle and panicked, thinking the front end damage was worse than it looked, and smashed out the back window. (Alternate explanation: Tiger was not buckled and actually tumbled to the back of the car).

Plausibility: This version explains all of the weird aspects, including why Tiger would leave at 2:25 a.m., why Elin would have a golf club, and why Tiger might have been significantly injured.

Downside: I cannot really see one. Due to medical privacy laws, no doctor could comment either way regarding whether he/she prescribed Ambien for Tiger. Tiger does not shill for any sleep medication. The affair and Elin's wrath are not implicated.

17 comments:

NP446XX said...

Only God and Tiger know the real truth. Most of us suspect that #1 is the factual account, but #3 is a plausible and socially acceptable explanation. Tiger can kiss his privacy good-bye in the short term. You play the game, plan on paying your dues.

Anonymous said...

just tell the truth

Anonymous said...

I've just seen a pig with wings

Anonymous said...

They had a row, Tiger left the house got in the SUV then started down the drive. She threw the golf club through the rear window in anger causing him to veer wildly into the hydrant

Anonymous said...

"She got a tiger by the tail it's plain to see."
A fight inside left Tiger bloody in the face and he tried to get out of the house, she grabbed the clubs in the garage as he backed the auto out reaching the tail as he turned around. Since more than one club was found in the driveway and street she must have given chase and he freaked not knowing what to do next and ultimately swerving over possible to avoid her into the fire hydrant and tree. Yes, it's just possible that she was at the side of the veicle still screaming at him when he pulled off the road. She is one crazy bitch but what women isn't when in a jealous rage?

J-Red said...

I think the hydrant is some 50 feet outside the mouth of the driveway though. The idea that she threw the club is intriguing though.

W said...

T says he was on his way to get in line for the Black Friday sale at Best Buy.

Anonymous said...

Tiger is fulla shytt to the max. His wife was courageous?? Hardly! She was trying to kick his pu$$$ lil' ass in but good. I wish she woulda connected with that club upside his dome.

Tim said...

My favorite part of the story has got to be that sleepwalking picture you've dug up.

Pat Watson said...

Hey, smartie, you think you know about medicine? Ambien can cause all the above mentioned affects, plus more! Sleepdriving, sleep-walking, incoherence! I know!!! What does it matter to anyone else! Give this family a break. If they have a situation, let them work it out and not a bunch of people who get a thrill over gossip. All Tiger's life he's brought everyone healthy sports, given back to the community, and is a great role model. Pat from Nashville.

Anonymous said...

Only Tiger and his family should know what happened. Everyone needs to leave them alone. It is simple an accident. Just remember there are always two sides to a story. We all deserve some privacy and if he is having marital problems that is only the Woods business. Things happen famous or not.

J-Red said...

Um, Pat, I do know that. That's why I wrote it.

Anonymous said...

Here are two more explanations:

A. She got into the car and attempted to drive off. As she was driving off, he ran toward the car and she side swiped him. His face hit the window and she crashed the car.

B. She got into the car and attempted to run him over. At the last minute she got cold feet and swerved. She side swiped him. His face hit the window and she crashed the car.

gpb said...

Though I like the two Anon suggestions, I would suppose that it would be harder to cover them up. She would need to be able to clean off the car and get a club to smash out the back window. Not implausible but harder to believe.

gpb said...

I found out what really happened.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1xaLaLHHms&feature=player_embedded

Fatty Lover said...

Great job with the image leeching, faggot!

Anonymous said...

IN DEFENSE OF THE POOR GUY EVERYBODY SEEMS TO FORGET THAT EVENTUALLY IF YOUR NOT GETTING FEED AT HOME YOUR GONNA LOOK FOR FOOD ELSEWHERE...IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANS...THATS A FACT.