November 28, 2009

A Version of Tiger Woods Accident that Makes More Sense

Based on preliminary reports, here is the official story of Tiger Woods' solo car accident early on Friday morning.

Tiger left his suburban Orlando home around 2:30 a.m. by himself in his Cadillac SUV. He struck a fire hydrant and a tree, though police say alcohol was not a factor. His wife, also awake at 2:30 a.m. after Thanksgiving, heard the commotion outside. She ran outside, wielding a golf club, and smashed out the back window. She then extricated Tiger, who was bleeding from the mouth and drifting in and out of consciousness. Police arrived shortly thereafter.

Hell hath no fury like....f it, I should have learned golf.


If anyone can answer these questions in any reasonable or logical way, maybe I'll come around to Tiger and Elin Nordegren's story.

1) Where was Tiger going?
2) Why were both awake at 2:30 a.m.?
3) Upon hearing accident-like noises, why would Elin grab a golf club?
4) How did Tiger lose control of the vehicle?
5) If the vehicle was drive-able after the wreck (and it was), why did Elin smash out the back window?

I think this hypothetical account makes a lot more sense:

On Wednesday, November 25, 2009, rumors started circulating that Tiger Woods was having an affair with a woman named Rachel Uchitel. Tension built throughout Wednesday and Thursday, finally culminating in a heated argument late Thursday night. Elin grabbed a golf club and threatened Tiger, eventually striking him in the face with the club. Tiger wisely chose to flee rather than fight back, jumping into his Cadillac Escalade. As Tiger attempted to drive off, Elin smashed out the back window of Tiger's SUV with the club. Tiger, dazed or perhaps even semi-conscious, floored it and lost control of the vehicle, striking the hydrant and tree. Elin realized she had screwed up in a major way, and helped Tiger from the vehicle. She was actually caring for him when the police arrived. Now, Tiger, Elin, and Tiger's staff are trying to concoct a story that explains how a low speed crash (no air bag deployed) resulted in significant head trauma to Tiger. Remember that Tiger is also a GM spokesperson, so they can't make the Escalade look unsafe, either.

Doesn't that one sound a lot more likely than the official account?

17 Responses:

DarkX4v13r said...

All that money and they can't buy a good lie. tsk tsk

Anonymous said...

Exactly. Why would she bust out the back window when the SUV was upright and intact? Is she even physically able to pull Tiger out of an SUV? I doubt it. I have a hard time believing Tiger Woods would lose control of his vehicle unless he was in fact semi-conscious and fell unconscious when trying to get away.

Steven said...

You people have No Clue What you are talking about. Tiger usally does not get much sleep at night and often he goes and workouts in the wee hours of the morning, he also was supposed to be leaving to go to his golf tournament that he hosts and plays in thats in Texas, within the next couple of days. So knowing Tiger he was probaly heading out to the workout room or to his course to practice. The reason why Elin broke the back window of Tigers car is just to be safe. Why would she want to break the front window and danger Tiger anymore. You people are blowing this whole thing out of proportion. The accident was not serious, and hopefully Tiger will feel good enough to play next week. Everyone just needs to stop and let Tiger and Elin handle this problem themselves.

Anonymous said...

Funny, I sent my daughter almost the same exact scenario 7 hours before you posted this. Except, I don't think it was with the golf club , otherwise his facial injuries would have been worse. I think she clawed and scratched him with her long perfectly manicured acrylic nails. I appreciate what Steven said, but that his PR, agents and other high-priced handlers haven't said anything in 42 hours tells me that there is something to the rumors running rampant. Otherwise, why not contain the rumor and innuendo and
address the issues within 24 hours of the accident, or at the very least by Saturday noon.

Reggie said...

Why don't people get a life and stop trying to make a big deal out of everything. The questions being asked are ridiculous like where was he going at 2:30 am- have you ever thought that maybe that's the time he start his day off I'm usually up and about between 3-3:30 am everyday. Have people ever thought that things just happen and it's not always a story or drama behind the scenes if he did have a argument with his wife that's their business who cares.

Steven said...


I think the reason that Tigers agent and PR representitives have not said anything is because Tiger probaly never told them to. Trust me Tiger, and his wife Elin do not want all of this to blow out of proportion. The only thing that Tiger is focused on is getting well rested and making sure he is 100% for his last tournament of the season which is next week. Than he and Elin will explain exactly what happened and everyone will go on with their lives. It was just a small accident it was not anything bad.

Eraka said...

i agree with steven and reggie. also, we may never know the truth, and what should matter MOST (especially to us on the outside looking in)is seeing Tiger back on the greens soon!

Steven said...

Thank you Eraka, That was a perfect comment. That is all we need to worry about

J said...

I am just glad that a white woman busted up a black man's face, because black men are always saying that black women are ignorant. Well there you have it black men, not only sistas could be dangerous, white women use golf clubs to bust open your faces too.

J-Red said...

Steven, I think Tiger's crew is counting on people like you believing that he and his wife just happened to be awake at 2:30 a.m. after a holiday a day after rumors broke that he was having an affair. Then he just happened to strike a fire hydrant that, I'm guessing, has always been in the same place. Then Elin just happened to hear the commotion and just happened to bring a golf club with her to investigate an accident (because that's clearly the normal reaction to hearing a car crash). Then Tiger just happened to suffer facial lacerations and get knocked unconscious from an accident that didn't even cause the airbags to deploy.

And that doesn't even get into to why on Earth she would bust out the rear window.

Then they all decided to just maintain total silence on the whole incident.

Nike, Buick and American Express appreciate your illogical support.

Anonymous said...

cops should check out the following
1. were there guests over for thanksgiving dinner?
2. Which guest triggers of a remark about his affair?
3. When did the last guest leave?
4. How much did the two have to drink?
5.Were the shattered glass pieces lying in the drive way from where the car took off, or were they found near the hydrant/tree.
6.Which iron did she use as a projectile?
Obviously she didnt swing it as the glass would have landed on her too!!
7. Did Tiger pass out--or did he play possum, just to save himself further blows.
elementary dear watson!!

Samantha Laury said...

hopefully Tiger gets better soon.. the golf world needs him

W said...

I'd go with the Ambien defense. What are the odds that they would both be sleep walking at the same time?

Anonymous said...

steven and reggie are both idoiots...he was screwin around on his wife and she kicked his butt!!! dont be so naive!!!

SWAGELOK7 said...


Anonymous said...

lol thank you anon
" steven and reggie are both idoiots...he was screwin around on his wife and she kicked his butt!!! dont be so naive!!! "

nobody is talking crap except for the idiots like J. it just make much more sense that there was a dispute. we dont need to dig any further than that... yeah, he deserves his privacy. but its just entertaining to see big money trying to protect a lie.

Anonymous said...

Yeah...I bet on this one. I had the exact same thoughts as I read other plausible scenarios. Yes, it's their business and they can try to remain very private but they're too famous and wealthy...comes with the territory.

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