February 1, 2010

NFL's Most Annoying Fans - Conference Championships

All season long we've brought you competition amongst all 32 teams for the most annoying NFL fanbase. You can see the history here. Just to recap, the Raiders, Cardinals, Jaguars, Panthers, Ravens, Packers, Patriots, and Cowboys "won" their respective divisions, the Jets, Steelers, Eagles, and Redskins received wild card entry into the playoffs.

Here we are at the conference championships. The NFC brings us an all-NFC East battle between the division champion Cowboys and the wild card Eagles. The AFC brings us a battle between the division champion Raiders and the wild card Steelers.

We've created a precise scientific formula to determine who will proceed on to The Most Annoying National Football League Fanbase Championship (not quite as catchy as "Super Bowl" but we're worried about the NFL lawyers honing down on us for unlawfully using their trademark). Each team will be measured on the following criteria:

1) Percentage of Fanbase Comprised of Bandwagoneers
2) True Statement that Will Incite Mayhem Amongst Fanbase
3) Best Selling Jersey Amongst NFL Top 25
4) Refusal to Lose Grips with the Past
5) Overall Historical Won-Loss Record (team with worse record has better fans)

The team with the most points will represent their conference in The Most Annoying National Football League Fanbase Championship.

National Football Conference - Dallas vs. Philadelphia

1) Percentage of Bandwagoneers...

Dallas - 47.86%. The same person who bought the Cowboys Starter jacket in the mid-90s who didn't live in Texas hung that jacket next to their Duke, Notre Dame, New York Yankee, and Los Angeles Laker jacket. Mitchell & Ness should just make a 1990s throwback bandwagon Starter jacket collection. They'd make a killing.

Philadelphia - 13%. Eagles fans don't even hold a majority in their own state. And most people don't want to be associated with the Eagle fanbase if they can help it.

Point - Dallas

2) True Statement that Will Incite Mayhem Amongst Fanbase

Dallas - Troy Aikman was only an above-average quarterback who was blessed with great intelligence and an incredible supporting cast.

Philadelphia - There are more Eagles fans in South Jersey than there are in South Philly, yet every one of these Jersey fans will lie to your face and tell you they live in Philly because nobody wants to say they live in Runnemeade or Camden, New Jersey.

Point - Philadelphia. I dare you to go to Pat's or Geno's and recite this very true statement.

3) Best Selling Jersey on NFLShop.com Top 25

Dallas - Tony Romo. A Pro Bowler. Who can't handle long snaps.

Philadelphia - Michael Vick. I'm not making that up.

Point - Philadelphia

4) Refusal to Lose Grips with the Past

Dallas - While they still love Emmitt, Michael, and Troy, they've fully embraced Romo (for better or worse), Barber, Ware, and the current group of Cowboys

Philadelphia - Granted, the present hasn't been so bright, but you've got a Super Bowl appearance under your belt not too long ago and a division championship more recently. Still, I'm guessing over 75% of Eagle season ticket holders saw Invincible in the theaters and silently wished that the team could be as successful now as it was then (when it also won zero Super Bowls).

Point - Philadelphia

5) Overall Team Record (through start of 2009 season)

Dallas: 455-333-6
Philadelphia: 507-548-26

Point - Dallas

American Football Conference - Pittsburgh vs. Oakland

1) Percentage of Bandwagoneers...

Pittsburgh - 34.52%. We've reached the "Red Sox" point with the Steelers. By this, I mean that anybody who claims at least one great grandparent from Western Pennsylvania calls themselves Steeler fans.

Oakland - 3.2% (and declining). If this measure was taken in the early '90s, the Raiders would've scored way higher. However, constant franchise relocation and two decades of losing have made the franchise nearly irrelevant.

Point - Pittsburgh

2) True Statement that Will Incite Mayhem Amongst Fanbase

Pittsburgh - "You were gift wrapped Super Bowl XL."

Oakland - "You can't teach speed."

Point - Pittsburgh. Steelers fans should go head-to-head against Ravens fans in a ref-whining competition. What Steelers fans don't realize is that they actually get the calls most of the time and the refs positively raped the Seahawks in Super Bowl XL.

3) Best Selling Jersey on NFLShop.com Top 25

Pittsburgh - Troy Polamalu

Oakland - n/a (none in top 25)

Point - Oakland. Come on Oakland, you're not nearly as economically depressed as Pittsburgh. Seriously. Support your goddamn team.

4) Refusal to Lose Grips with the Past

Pittsburgh - In September, when the Steelers have a game at Heinz Field (or hell, if you see a Pirates game at PNC), check out how many throwback jerseys you see in the crowd. You'd think that guys named Bradshaw, Greene, Harris, and Lambert were on the Steelers' active roster. The last of those guys retired in 1984.

Oakland - You're not seeing too many George Blanda and Fred Biletnikoff jerseys in the stands. And if you were seeing Marcus Allen and Bo Jackson jerseys in the stands (which you're not), these were players who played for Los Angeles, not Oakland. And this from a fanbase that has NOTHING to cheer about now, they still embrace the present instead of clinging to the past.]

Point - Pittsburgh.

5) Overall Team Record (through start of 2009 season)

Pittsburgh - 556-522-21
Oakland - 430-342-11

Point - Oakland

So, in a matchup the league office never could have envisioned, and would jump out their windows if happened in real life, an all-Pennsylvania Most Annoying National Football League Fanbase Championship will take place pitting two wild card winners against each other - the Philadelphia Eagles fanbase versus the Pittsburgh Steelers fanbase. Tune in next week for The Most Annoying National Football League Fanbase Championship

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