Idol Recap 2/19

Alright, I'm a little under the weather and bed is calling, so I'll give you all an abbreviated recap of tonight's performances of the 12 guys, and be sure to include a few snarky comments along the way:

Soon to be on the 2008 Idol Tour:
David Archuleta - Natural performer, but isn't it a little weird to not have your voice changed yet at 17? I guess it worked for Michael Jackson. I'm getting suspicious of the "awww shucks" thing from David the same way I was suspicious of that from Melinda last year.

Michael Johns - Considering the reaction of my wife when he appeared on screen, this is going to be the heartthrob vote of the year. He's got the Aussie accent which works for him. And above all, I'm not going to hate... he's got an awesome voice.

Start picking your songs for next week:
Robbie Carrico - It's hard to imagine this guy used to open for Britney Spears. He pulls off the rocker thing effortlessly. He'll make it far, then get cut, then get a nice record deal along the lines of Daughtry.

David Hernandez - Not a bad performance to start the evening. He's got to get over his nerves but he's got a good voice. He'll make it through for a few weeks.

Jason Castro - Not such a fan of the hairstyle on anybody except for Adam Duritz. Nonetheless, he's got some great music talent and had a good night tonight.

Danny Noriega - I personally hate this kid. Really and truly hate him. But he'll get enough vote to get through. When I heard he was going to cover Elvis, I cringed. Look, Danny is gay. Flamboyantly gay. And I have zero problem with that. Seriously. But don't friggin try to cover Elvis and swish around stage. Did not work. Still, he's safe. He looked seriously pissed off at Simon for calling his performance "grotesque." It was a great scene.

Middle of the road... I've already forgotten you less than 2 minutes after the show ended:
Colton Berry - You do look like Ellen DeGeneres. Congratulations on pointing that out.

David Cook - Not even sure I remember what you sang.

In danger of being voted out (or the "We're too dumb to not know by now to avoid ballads at all costs" category):
Luke Menard - The wife had an amazing observation... "he looks like a Luke... dead ringer for Luke Perry." She's right. Too bad his song sucked. And he's got zero stage presence.

Jason Yeager - Didn't work tonight.

Garrett Haley - I'll give Simon this... he at least has the guts to say what America is thinking. This kid looks like Casper the ghost, has a nasally, high-pitched, whiny voice, and like David Archuleta appears to suffer from delayed-onset puberty. However, unlike Archuleta, his voice doesn't compensate for these shortfalls.

Eze - Since Chikezie wanted to drop his last name, I'm going to refer to him only by his last name. However, I suspect this is going to be the last time I refer to him. He sounded like a cruise ship performer and he borrowed a suit from Bruce Pearl. An all-around failure of a performance.