May 1, 2007

Idol Recap

Alright, so I didn't destroy my TV after Blake's performance. Let's do a brief Faulkner before I get into performance reviews: Ryan needs a shave badly, my fiancee now lusts for Jon Bon Jovi, 70 million dollars is incredible, W throwing in a dig at Bono was pretty dumb, everyone in America will be talking way too much about the Lakisha/Simon kiss by the morning, my mother is a fish ( Ten bucks for the As I Lay Dying reference). So let me preface this review by saying that this is going to be from the perspective of someone whose iPod is loaded with Bon Jovi, who can get psyched up by the intro to Lay Your Hands on Me, and who has seen them live. In order from best performance to worst:

1) Phil
Knocked this out of the park. In my mind, we've witnessed the resurrection of Phil Stacey the past few weeks. Looked more comfortable than any of the other performers, sounded great, and added his own twist to the song while making it honest to the original recording. I'm not quite sure why Simon knocked it... I think possibly because he was first up and Simon hadn't compared him to the other performers yet. I have a feeling that this is one of those nights where if Phil went 4th, 5th, or 6th, Simon's review would have been more favorable.

2) Melinda
Well on this one I agreed with Simon and Randy. It was absolutely impossible not to think Melinda was channeling some sort of inner-Tina Turner when she was singing the song. She sang with great attitude, a lot of soul, and was able to rock out pretty well. One note... was Will Ferrell in the background on cowbell at the beginning? Seriously, that aspect was pretty damn annoying.

3) Chris
His first few notes were totally off. And way to not know the words to this classic song when you meet the artist, dumbass. Side note... I think they should create a Wonderlic for Idol contestants. Chris would rival Vince Young. But back to the song... he did just OK. He pulled off the rock thing. He sang the song well. He did add some blues to it. It was pretty average.

4) Lakisha
She would've been ranked higher than Chris if I didn't think she was cheating on rock week. But absolutely the right song for her, and I feel like she might've saved herself after a few horrid weeks prior to this one. Will it be enough? She didn't pick a well-known song which I think worked in her favor. That low range of her voice is incredible. But come on Lakisha... you just proved to me why you can't be the winner... every winner has some strong points and some weak points, but they don't totally duck their weak points like you just did.

5) Blake
Still... enraged... by... this... cocky...bastard's... heresy. Who the hell do you think you are, Mr. Beatboxer, to try to turn that CLASSIC into some crappy-ass funk/acappella song? Simon was only half right... you did manage to turn off half the voters, and you did take a risk. But I don't think that what you showed was any vocal talent. Maybe more appropriate for America's Got Talent if the show hadn't been cancelled. Or maybe for the next Police Academy movie since you are a sound effects machine, were able to replicate a record player, and therefore can replace Michael Winslow. But hell son, what a clusterf**k. (Brien, are we allowed to use the f word on here? That was never discussed!)

6) Jordin
It took skill to beat Blake out for this spot. I fault Jordin's youth here for her thinking she could tackle a song that quite possibly everybody in America knows because everybody, when drunk, sings along to this song in the bar at some point in their lives. I was actually waiting before the show started for the person who would commit Idol suicide by trying to do this song. People don't realize how difficult it is to sing lyrically, let along how difficult it is to sing musically and make it sound half as decent as Jon Bon Jovi did. Try to keep pace with the lyrics when you're singing along in your car sometime. Guarantee you lose your breath a bunch of times and have to skip words. At least Jordin was honest and she knew she blew it. Her look was horrible (why dye your hair?) She seemed wildly out of control. A truly terrible performance by Phillipi's daughter.
Definitely Chris. Who will go with him? I'm scared for Jordin, but think her tremendous vote total from last week and her strong fanbase will save her. I kind of hope Blake goes because I now despise him. But I think Lakisha might go because her vote total from last week was likely very low and I don't think her performance tonight stood out as a "rock performance." So there you have it: Chris and Lakisha.

8 Responses:

J-Red said...

Thanks to Blake and Bon Jovi, the pressure is off me for like a couple weeks. Jessica was taken care of by a combination of Bon Jovi's looks and Blake's skills. Now if I could only get all my effort from last night back....

J-Red said...

What's saddest is not that we both posted on the same topic, but how similar they were. If my Dad had raised me to love big hair and tight jeans, we might have even had the same musical opinion.

I had also meant to post something on Keyshawn, but I forgot. If it weren't for your unfortunate, if not criminally negligent, Redskins upbringing, we could have been better friends.

Brien said...

Jeremy, use whatever kind of fucking language you want. This is the internet.

Jeremy said...

Jason and I were separated on the Indian reservation. It would be far funnier if I was a good enough friend to remember what tribe Jason's origins are (Creek? Cherokee?) but I can't pull off the joke completely to the finish. Like so many other goddamn fucking other shitty things in my life. I'm officially fucking going Bruce Willis on this fucking blog now.

J-Red said...

You missed another joke. I'm related to Bruce Willis. (Father's grandmother's sister's grandchild).

Yippie-kay-yay-ay! Say hi to your brother for me!

Jeremy said...

Die Hard 4 is coming out soon. So money. So absolutely, 100% money. I have the trilogy on order from Amazon.

Brien said...

I will watch any of the Die Hard movies any time I that they're on. It pisses Lisa off every time.

Wouldn't it have been easier to say that your Great-great-grandmother is his Great-grandmother?

J-Red said...

Yeah, that would have been easier but it wouldn't have ruled out the possibility that Bruce Willis is my father. I didn't want to be misleading.

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