March 18, 2008

Duke Flop Camp

I wish I could give credit to whoever created this, but it's making the rounds and definitely belongs on this blog. Some of the print is small so you might have to save the JPEG and open it in your browser.

In case you can't read:

Are you white? Do you lack athletic ability? Does your offensive "game" consist of standing around outside the three point line? Are you adept at tripping? Are you a lil' floor slapper? Do you pee sitting down? Do you want to be a Duke Assistant Coach? Would Dick Vitale label you a "Winner"? Do you like Italian soccer? Do you spend the majority of the game looking at your man's back?

Your favorite Duke flopper is: Shane Battier, Wojo, Greg Paulus, Other

Your favorite announcer is: Dick Vitale, Mike Patrick, Don't Make Me Choose

You are defending on a fast break and your opponent is going for a layup, you: slap at the ball as your opponent goes by; wait until your opponent goes by, then throw your body under him; undercut your opponent's legs and then crash in a heap or; take a pair of nuts to the face as your opponent ducks on you

After your teammate performs a successful flop, you: pump fist fervently, look at Coach K and exchange knowing smiles, save image of the flop in your "masturbatory memory box", hug as many men as you can

The best way to describe your play is: "scrappy", "a coach on the court", "hard-nosed"

You wet the bed: Frequently, Always

4 Responses:

"ben" said...

"Are you a lil' floor slapper?"

This is the one that really gets me.

I remember watching Wojo a long time ago and thinking, "Wow! That guy is really excited!"

But there's always someone at Duke doing it (always a little white guard). It's crazy. They teach that, don't they? I really believe they taught Redick and Paulus to do it. No one else on the team does it and no one else at other schools do it. It's not a natural motion on the court.

Brien said...

"always a little white guard"

Not true, see Chris Duhon.

"ben" said...

Was he not a guard?

Oh, yeah. Never mind.

Dean said...

Coach K cemented his reputation for this rep when he refused to put William Avery on Kentucky's Wayne Turner in the '98 East Region Finals. K stuck with his gritty little Wojo and Turner kept on blowing past Wojo like he was nailed to the deck - a decision which lost them the game.

There was absolutely no reason for it - I'll never forget it.

... but thanks for finding that camp application - I'd missplaced mine.

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