Citing repeated embarrassment at the failures of the rest of Team USA, Former Maryland Governor Robert Ehrlich announced today that Maryland would secede from Team USA and form her own Olympic contingent. Speaking from Westminster, Maryland, where Ehrlich attended the Ravens' training camp, Ehrlich noted that the Old Line State had been carrying Team USA for the past four years.
bbahblah Fmr. Gov. Ehrlich inquires about this youth's interest in the air rifle
blahblahblah Kimmie Meissner prepares to kiss Team USA goodbye
"It's simple really. We're giving Michael Phelps and Kimmie Meissner to the other 49 states. They're giving us nothing. Why should we continue to be dragged down by their failures?", Ehrlich explained to reporters.
Swimmer Michael Phelps, from Towson, Maryland, is attempting to best Mark Spitz's record seven gold medal haul. Kimmie Meissner, from Bel Air, Maryland, saved Team USA from a dismal showing at the winter games in Turin, just by being a normal teenager while Bodie Miller drank away his hopes on the slopes and Lindsay JacobEllis slid ass-first to a bronze in snowboard racing. Gymnast Dominique Dawes, a native of Silver Spring, Maryland, has already indicated an interest in coaching.
blahblahblah Kimmie Meissner prepares to kiss Team USA goodbye
While Maryland would be weak in some areas, her impending secession would not necessarily preclude them from medaling in basketball. Team Maryland could still field Sam Cassell, Juan Dixon, Rudy Gay, and Jarrett Jack by birth, as well as Carmelo Anthony and countless others who attended high school in the state. There are also indications that Maryland would push to have lacrosse and jousting added to the list of medal sports.
Ehrlich summed it up best. "Some will accuse Maryland of not being patriotic, but we did save the whole country's ass in the War of 1812, so they can suck it."
14 Responses:
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I believe Michael Phelps will stay on Team USA since he needs to leave Maryland to get some decent training. Of course, the city of Ann Arbor could form their own Olympic team and dominate the swimming events.
I'm sure Michael Phelps is only at Club Wolverine to avoid the Maryland State Police after his nasty run-in down in Salisbury. The North Baltimore Swim Club will suit him just fine as he prepares to win all 103 gold medals in 2012.
Rudy Gay, Carmelo Anthony, Kevin Durant, Steve Francis.... Not bad.
Phelps did not train at Michigan before 2004 summer Olympics and brought home 8 medals, so I think the training he was getting in Maryland was just fine!
Yes, and now that Bob Bowman is back with North Baltimore Swim Club, Phelps is leaving Club Wolverine to train in MD. He does have a block M tattoo now tho...
That's a Maryland M. You can tell because it doesn't have the stain of Rich Rodriguez, the Fradulent Five and an Appalachian State loss on it.
It is too prominent to be a Maryland M.
Don't forget Katie Hoff. 2012 she'll be back with a vengence.
I forgot Katie Hoff because she trains in Maryland, but she's not a Marylander. You can tell she's from one of the other 49 because she failed.
Didn't anyone else see the feature on Phelps where he was eating at the Maize 'n Blue deli? I didn't recognize the other places, though.
And let's not get too confused here:
"Yes, and now that Bob Bowman is back with North Baltimore Swim Club, Phelps is leaving Club Wolverine to train in MD."
I wouldn't imply Phelps is following Bowman. It's more like Bowman saying, "So Michael, what state would you like to live in, now?"
"ben", I saw Maize 'n Blue getting the national love. I loved it. I am sure it is not as good as the Black 'n Gold deli or whatever they have in Maryland.
Also, was the cap with the Michigan M and the word Michigan across the middle also a Maryland cap?
Phelps is young and impressionable. Since he dedicates so much time to swimming, he's probably only been able to enjoy the pale, pasty, rotund ladies of Michigan instead of the hot, qualmless skanks at Towson. He'll come back to his Maryland roots.
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