December 12, 2008

Who Deserves a Bailout - The Lions or The Big Three?

As the auto bailout debate rages in Washington, it has come to our attention that Detroit has another bailout candidate - the Lions. Who is more deserving of taxpayer largesse? Let's break it down, Nick Bakay style. The advantage goes to the party most in need of a bailout.

Big Three
Needs a bailout because...
They make sucky cars
Big Three
Embarrassing Fans

Big Three
Needs this to be competitive

Needs oversight from
"Car Czar"

Big Three
Idiocy at the top

Terrible decision

Big Three
What happens if the bailout works?
Competitive with Toyota
Competitive with the rest of the NFL
What happens if they don't get a bailout?
These guys get company:

These guys get company:

Big Three

Big Three: 5
Lions: 2
Push: 1

So there you have it, the numbers never lie. I guess Congress is right to give the bailout to the auto companies rather than a football team. Sorry Lions fans.

12 Responses:

big tuna said...

Hahahaha, people losing jobs and a state going down the toilet. That is sooo funny.


big tuna said...

7 myths about the Detroit automakers

Brien said...

So, tuna, is any joking about the economy off limits during a recession, or just jokes about the auto industry? I certainly don't want to be insensitive.

Am I allowed to make fun of the Lions? Or is that not funny because Matt Millen lost his job?

J-Red said...

I think he was making fun of the companies, not the workers. The "7 Myths" article makes clear that there is no reason GM, Ford and Chrysler should be drowning but for their own incompetence, short-sightedness, and inability to reestablish their image among drivers 16 to 35. I drove an entry level GM from the mid-1990's and it was a total p.o.s. in every conceivable way. I drove a mid-level Chrysler for a few years too, and it quickly devolved before its time. I just got burned out from spending time at the shop all the time, spending hundreds to fix tiny little switches and electrical components.

big tuna said...

I admit that my sense of humor is a bit lacking on this dark day. Your post was pretty harmless so I apologize.

I don't really think jokes about people losing their jobs is ever that funny, really. The comparison to Matt Millen is stupid, of course, because he is still being paid millions of dollars over the next several years.

Despite your own experiences, the quality of the automobile produced by the Big 3 has improved and caught up with their foreign counterparts. That is not saying there are not incompetencies in the management of those companies. I have seen it first hand.

The bitterness comes from Congress handing out 700 billion dollars, no questions asked, to the financial markets. Then when the auto companies need help, they rake them over the coals. But remember, nobody can get a car loan right now. With the banks in the toilet they aren't giving out loans. So why is Congress so eager to help out the banks but want to ignore this? Nevermind the fact that they saved their ass during World War II. Meanwhile, the main opponent has obvious conflicts of interest as he wants the Big 3 to fail to improve his Little Japan he has going in Alabama.

Brien said...

Yeah, I can definitely understand that. I assumed that the post wouldn't be taken in a political way, but I guess it strayed over the line of sports/humor into politics, which breaks my #1 rule for the blog.

big tuna said...

I am sure you didn't mean for it to be political. It just came on the heals of the Senate crushing the auto bridge loan so it ended up that way.

I don't think you are "joking about the economy." You are piling on companies that are failing, in large part, due to the recession this country is in and depression Michigan is in. To clarify, I don't think you are an asshole. I just thought is was an assholish thing to do. (Sen Shelby appears to be an actual asshole, though.)

Stephen Finley said...

I, for one, think this post is pretty damn funny.

Me, personally, I've owned 4 cars in my short life. Both American cars were crap and while the Cutlass was far past its prime and shouldn't be beaten up too hard, the Saturn I had was total crap. At 100k it was in worse shape than my Legend was at 200k, plus it was designed in such a way as to be very uncomfortable to drive. My parents both had hip problems driving it, and when I bought it my hips and legs would hurt too. In speaking with someone who sold Saturns for years, this was apparently a common problem.

When it came time for me to purchase a new car a few months ago, I went with the money Accord. I'm sorry, but Hondas last forever and are great quality. I'm sure my grandfather is rolling in his grave as I type this, but until the American auto companies give me a reason to buy their product I won't do it again.

Sorry, Tuna, but that's my personal experience, and if many other people out there have had similar experiences, free markets have a way of making it tough to push an inferior product.

Keep pushing the envelope, BC, the post was funny.

Jeremy said...

I love America, but I'm a Honda/Toyota owner for life. Burnt too many times by American cars. I think the simple fact of the matter is that the Big Three, in order to survive, are going to have to learn to build better cars. Driving through Michigan and seeing nary a Nissan, Toyota, Honda, BMW, Audi, or any other foreign car on the road, my only thought was that mechanics in the State of Michigan must live like kings.

"ben" said...

You know, the city of Detroit itself asked for a $10 billion bailout, also.

Anonymous said...

No doubt there was egregious mismanagement and government intervention in the banking industry, but the reason the bailout went through for them is because of the trickle-down effects it has for the entire economy.

The Big 3 automakers employ a lot of people but their impact on the economy isn't near as all-encompassing. On top of that, the solution for them is bankruptcy so they can get out from under the thumbs of the UAW union gangsters and renegotiate the contracts that are simply untenable. Even if they DO go under after bankruptcy, to think that all those jobs will be irrevocably lost is not realistic. For instance, think of the market size for spare parts for all the American made vehicles on the road today--I'm willing to bet someone with an entrepreneurial spirit will buy the tooling... That's the great thing about free market economics.

No business in a free market deserves to get pulled out of the fire when the whole reason it got there in the first place is due to horrendous mismanagement and a whole philosophy that is completely out of sync with reality. Let the markets work themselves out, don't use my money to try to artificially fix them because it will never work.

And those in favor of the bailout, I have to ask this: What do you think the Big 3 will do with the bailout money? Have they been even able to articulate a sensible plan that will right their ship?

Anonymous said...

You commenters are fucking retarded. Anyone with half a brain knows that the Lions bailout request was obviously a joke.

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