May 21, 2007

Baltimore v. Washington Battle Royale!!!!

I thought I had defused any possible Baltimore v. Washington pissing match by stating that a Washington fan bragging about a late-inning comeback against human piece-of-shit Danys Baez would have as much intergrity as a grown man bragging about beating a four-year-old girl who only uses the Redskins at Madden. I guess I was wrong.

To be fair, I'll repost East Coast Bias contributor Jeremy's comment here:
[Side note, "to be fair" is a phrase we lawyers use to indicate that we are about to give a semblance of fairness before absolutely distorting the argument in our favor. It's an uh-oh phrase like "just so I understand". If you ever hear a lawyer say "just so I understand", they are about to ask you about something they entirely understand, but they hope you don't know how badly you've painted yourself in a corner. I've already learned too much about my profession. I think I'm going to go find a cinder block, some rope, and a swimming pool.]
FILLERFILLERFyupILLJanus was not a lawyer....allegedly

Without further adieu, Jeremy's comment:

I'm guessing neither of you guys were at RFK for any of the three games this weekend? Believe me... the people who were there cared a whole hell of a lot. And nothing gives us Nats fans more pleasure than being the ones to finally flip the switch and cause the Baltimore Sun to write their series of articles on whether Perlozzo should go. Jesus, you guys couldn't sweep a team that started three guys who would struggle to make most teams' AAA squads? That's rich. And there weren't nearly as many O's fans as you think or as I expected. I'd guess in the 31,000 crowd on Saturday, maybe 5,000 MAX. I can't wait to go to Baltimore next month for two of the games. And hey, Camden Yards and Pickles is half of the fun. Seeing the O's lose to a team that all O's fans think is hapless and a joke is way more fun. Fear the Nook.

And no, Jeremy isn't dumb. He's not referring to Nuke LaLoosh, the Tim Robbins character from Bull Durham. He's referring to Nook Logan (7 for 23 for .304 with 2BB and 3SB), a speedy leadoff guy with skills precisely the same as those of Tony Womack. He's a big star in Washington this week. Kind of like Tom DeLay and Karl Rove were.....yeah..... Womack, by the way, is currently a free agent after being released by the Nationals after Spring Training.......yeah.....lerfillerfiller

Brien's wife will have a human child any day now. He'll have to explain to that kid how Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon were both once considered sexy. Use contraception.

Anyway, this was my response:

I took some time to think about my actual reply to Jeremy's comment. I was just talking earlier today to my SoCal friend about my mastery of anti-D.C. rhetoric. I explained to him that between Baltimore v. Washington/Boston/NYC and Maryland v. Duke/UNC, I had more inferiority complex experience than even a Bostonite.

Now I see comments from Jeremy that make me wonder if Nats fans aren't actually the ones with the complex. It would be understandable, to be sure. That organization is being run pretty much like a minor league team, Bill Simmons' assertion that the NL is AAAA to begin with aside. In this, the first year of full MASN coverage, Angelos has tipped his hand and used the Orioles broadcast team to cover the game. In addition, if Jeremy's estimation of only 5,000 Orioles fans at the game is correct, MASN is predominately only focusing on Orioles fans at the Really Freaking Krappy Stadium.

The common thread is overcompensation
Perhaps more concerning is that Jeremy took pleasure in the Nationals "flipping the switch", causing the Baltimore media to comment on their own managerial shortcomings. Doesn't that presuppose that the Baltimore media ever cared about or commented on the Nats' organizational flaws? I can't believe Jeremy would be referring to Rick Maese's column from April, which was basically a "cheer up Charlie" to Baltimore, reminding the city that they could have had the run of sports luck endured by D.C. That certainly does not amount to wasted space criticizing their sorry ass team.

Perhaps he meant the switch was flipped in that the D.C. media was not criticizing the Nats' manager. Nah, that couldn't be the case. The only person on the Post's staff who gives half a shit is Thomas Boswell, and his rah-rah article in today's Post completely ignores reality in the new era of baseball in both Beltways.

Boswell, like most Nats' fans, ignores the one obvious flaw in the whole "can't we all get along" dreamworld. This isn't like Dallas and Ft. Worth having two teams. No Orioles fan will support EITHER team when things are bad and no real Nationals fan (if one exists) will support EITHER team when things are bad. These two cities do not like one another. Washington relies on its status as the second most powerful city in the world for its identity, even though no one who derives benefit from that actually has anything to do with it. Baltimore derives its identity from deciding that it's cool to be in Baltimore, even if there is no logical way to justify that (which is pretty much the same as Cleveland, Detroit, Pittsburgh, etc). That's why days like Preakness are so important.
The funniest illustration of the two cities is that both are predominately liberal, but one city has white residents who hide from black people as much as possible and the other city has white residents who are say "Fuck it. Crack and the Clap aren't that bad." (For the sake of argument, we'll assume that no white person voted for Marion Barry in D.C.)

And now it appears that the Nats actually "flipped the switch". Their fans are making asinine comments like "You couldn't even sweep us!" To me, it sounds a lot like my fellow Terps fans who care more about beating Duke in the regular season than even making the NCAA Tournament. How did that happen?

[And, yes, I considered that Jeremy is so Madden-incompetent that he might not have realized that one REALLY SHOULD NOT brag about beating a four-year-old girl who only plays with the Redskins.]

Your move my friend.

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