July 14, 2008

Tale of the Tape - Favre v. Rodgers

In honor of Nick Bakay's appearance on 'Til Death last night (might have been a re-run. I'm not exactly a fan of the show), we will settle the Favre v. Rodgers dilemma the only way we know how: THE TALE OF THE TAPE.





Ability to Rewrite the English Language

F-A-V-R-E = Farve. Probably only
because Madden couldn’t say Favre with a mouth full
of infatuation slobber.




Vicodin, Alcohol, Throwing deep
into coverage

Hair product

Favre, especially because he beat the vikes and the Vikes.

Beer of Choice


Sierra Nevada Pale Ale

PUSH. Busch
somehow is popular in Mississippi.
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale is popular among women who want to empty my wallet.

Biggest Fan

Peter King, John Madden, Jim Nantz

Aaron’s mom, Aaron’s wife, the entire recruiting staff at Cal.

Rodgers, even
if we’re using “biggest” in terms of gravitational pull. Aaron’s mom, I’m libelously guessing, is a heifer.

Biggest Enemy

Brett Favre

Brett Favre



Cameron Diaz’s ex in There’s Something About Mary.

Seriously. Cameron Diaz used to be a hot jokerface. Now she’s just a jokerface. Brett Favre is like the Justin Timberlake of cameos. He had her
at her peak.

Favre, though I think I saw Rodgers in the background of a Kroger commercial.

Celebrity Look-Alike

John Wayne

Dave Grohl/Elliot Yamin

Favre. I could even see him taking up smoking.


Some variation of a shortishmale-appropriate hair cut.

Goes from dirty hippie to fauxhawk.

Favre. No points for originality, but that beats -10 for


Kiln, Mississippi

Chino, California

Rodgers, in an
upset. Chino is known for weed
and dumb chicks. Kiln is known for Brett Favre.

Most Endearing Quality

Rugged manhood combined with boyish enthusiasm.

Not actually playing quarterback.

Favre. ‘Tis always better to take the known MVP over the unknown product from the school that gave us eternal rookie Kyle Boller.

TDs, Consecutive Games, Wins,
Pass Completed, Yards, Madden Covers

A shitload.

Relatively speaking, if Favre’s accomplishments are like the best Playboy party ever, Rodgers’ are like the coagulated semen in Mark Chmura’s hot tub after having the neighbor teen over for some wine spritzers.




Yer squeezin' too hard.

This picture might be the wrong Aaron Rodgers.

Rodgers. Ok, so
I couldn’t find a picture. I read that his wife is from Nashville, and she must be younger than Deanna. Deanna is awesome, but I’m assuming Aaron has better tail at the moment.

And Favre wins by an impressive 7-3-2 margin. I think the results make GM Ted Thompson's decision obvious: totally screw over Aaron Rodgers and hope like hell Brian Brohm ends up being the actual QB of the future.
This is J-Red channelling Nick Bakay and reminding you the numbers never lie. Ok, interception numbers can lie. F-ing Bubba Franks.

0 Responses:

Summer is here and there's never been a better time to try your hand at online sports betting. Place your bets on your favorite horse with horse racing or even try your luck with your favorite football team. Enjoying sport is just a click away!