June 20, 2007

Special Guest Post! - Joe Girardi's Agent

L'chaim readers. My name is Saul Rubensilversteinberg. I used to be Albany Patroons' head coach Michael Ray Richardson's crafty Jew lawyer, but since that situation, well, deteriorated, I've been focused on my top client, Joe Girardi.

There has been a lot of speculation that I am negotiating a deal with Peter Angelos (goy) for Mr. Girardi to take over managerial duties with the Orioles. That much is true. Actually, I'm forwarding every offer the O's send to us to the Yankees and White Sox, in the hopes that those teams will panic, fire their current struggling managers, and then overpay Mr. Girardi. It's unfathomable to me that the Baltimore media really thinks there is any chance that Mr. Girardi would sign with their two-bit organization when my client would clearly have first dibs at the Yankees job this offseason.

blahblahblahblahblahblahblahbla Mr. Rubensilversteinberg c.2005
To stall the O's, I've asked for an opt-out provision, just in case my client is offered a REAL job this offseason. I know they'll never take it because the embarassment of having my client bolt after 100 games to the hated Yankees would be unacceptable to Baltimore. Actually, I just sent Peter Angelos, Jim Duquette (goy), Mike Flanagan (goy), and new team "president" (whatever that means) Andy MacPhail (goy) four different counter proposals. Once they sort it all out, Torre should be on his way to Chicago, Girardi will be in Yankee pinstripes, and Ozzie Guillen (Ripken's former rival) will suddenly look like a good fit for the orange and black.

So yeah, that's where we stand. If you or a loved one ever need quality managerial representation, or if your child suffers from cerebral palsy as a result of a medical mistake, feel free to e-mail me at [email protected].

4 Responses:

Josh said...

we like to say "Member of Tribe" or "MOT", not "chosen one." Most of us don't really dwell on that "chosen" thing so much, but we are very ethnocentric.

MacPhail...definitely not a MOT. Nor is Angelos. There's your problem right there. You want to see a team being built right? Look at the Nats. The culture of the organization is a lot better than it is for the O's, and with 1/3 of the payroll. Investing in youth. Crafty Jew Lawyer Ted Lerner, along with his crafty Jew staff...now THEY know how to run a business.

J-Red said...

Stan Kasten, now there's a fine young man. You'd do well to be like him Joshua. WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE STAN?!?!?

Schlomo Goldbergstein said...

I give three thumbs up!

J-Red said...

Great, turns out we got fooled. Girardi (who turned the job down today) has an agent named Steve Mandel.

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